I believe that listening is one of the most important things we can do. Note I said “can” do because most people don’t do it or don’t do it well. I’m talking here about active, engaged listening. Not listening while distracted, multi-tasking, hungry or preoccupied. And not listening, just waiting for a pause, so that you can make your next point. I mean really hearing. Listening to understand. Listening without interruption.
I guess it is part of getting older but I understand better now that life is mostly about the human relationships we have. And every human relationship is enhanced by better communication. Great communication is difficult; one has to work at it. We all have our preconceptions, biases and agendas. We all have our histories with others, usually referred to as baggage. But is there anything we can’t overcome with really good communication? Maybe there is, but not much.
These relationships include those with loved ones, friends and business associates including co-workers and customers. Often a person doesn’t need us to solve the problem. They just need to be listened to. For men, this is expecially tough.
Of course, there is the business slant for this little missive. Aren’t most of our dysfunctional business relationships due to, in whole or part, poor communications? And with true communication, there must be a balance of telling and listening; true conversation. So much of what is called “communication” is really just telling. It has been said that we were given one mouth and two ears for a reason. We should listen twice as much as we talk.
I believe that listening is the most powerful tool a manager has. When in a new employment situation, the quickest way to learn about the company is to ask those who have worked there some time. And then listen.
With what I do, I’m often coming into situations with new clients or potential clients. Everyone involved knows more than I do at the beginning! But if I ask the right questions and then listen, I can learn quickly. Of course, my experience and expertise help in finding a solution. But often, the collective group wisdom can provide the answer. The employees and management know what is wrong and how to fix it. They just aren’t communicating. Coming in as a neutral third party helps. But really listening helps more.
I might be able to provide the solution to the problem and I might have to refer them to someone else. But listening is the key to getting to the root of the problem.
Technology doesn’t help us listen; it distracts us and makes good listening harder. Our busy lives make listening even more difficult.
One final point: Isn’t real, engaged listening one of the best ways we can show respect to one another? What do you think? I’m listening.
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